i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed
i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police
What If You by Joshua Radin:
"But for tonight, I’ll stay here with you / Yes, for tonight, I’ll lay here with you”
i did a thing
What do you MEAN I’m too competitive?! I’m not competitive! In fact, I’m the LEAST competitive. You wanna race? You wanna fuckin race to see who’s the least competitive?! Let’s fuckin race!
what i learned from school
- im a fucking piece of shit
- everybody else is also a fucking piece of shit
- mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
SEND ME A ♪ I WILL PUT MUSIC ON SHUFFLE AND GIV E YOU A SONG AND MY FAVORITE LINE FROM IT
The HP cast saying, “Hey, buddy, can I get an order of mozarella sticks, please?” with an American accent.
TOM COMPLETELY NAILED IT
do you ever get so disgusted with yourself, like you can not believe how stupid and thoughtless you are and it’s so frustrating because you keep telling yourself that you’ll do better next time but then next time rolls around and the same thing keeps happening and you end up in this pattern of mediocrity.
You can ask me anything and I’ll answer honestly, but only with yes and no.
the best metaphor posts I’ve seen so far
Netflix would be by far the best dating site. “Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Breaking Bad for 12 straight hours”